All Roads Lead To Really Old Things
Temperatures were soaring today in the fair city of Roma and as we left the air conditioned comfort of our apartment and headed for our much awaited tour of Ancient Rome, we could already tell we were in for a hot one.
It seemed our tour wasn’t the only one meeting at our designated spot under the arch. There were a thousand other tours all with the same meeting spot, so trying to locate the right guide was a little tricky to say the least. Having booked online, months ago, the tour name on my ticket wasn’t the same as the company we were actually going with – a trap for young players – so we wandered aimlessly amidst the sea of tourists. There were tours operating in every tongue on the planet so we were relieved when, like finding a needle in a haystack, we found one in our own language; the guide holding some tartan aloft as a cryptic clue. It was a chaotic start as we found the rest of our group and were issued with ear pieces.
Fabio, our quirky Italian guide was absolutely hilarious, though not intentionally. He was an Italian version of Franck, from Father Of The Bride and his English left a lot to be desired. When in doubt, he’d just make up words that sounded English. He was a real waffler, sometimes forgetting he was mic’d up I’m sure, and got so much joy out of showing us the ancient treasures of his city. He loved to point things out with his tartan topped stick, whispering for drama when we came upon something ‘extra spare-shull’. “This is the temple where…(whispered) Julia’s Caesar was buried!” His eyes would widen as he scanned our faces for an appropriate degree of wonder and then chuckle to himself saying “yes, yes, yes”. He was very funny and as the tour continued we really warmed to him, almost as much as our bodies warmed in the relentless sun.
We started on Palatine Hill, checking out what remained of the Emperors’ once palatial and sizeable residence. No expense had been spared with marble floors, columns and archways. It was incredible to see and to imagine how it had all once looked. Franck (aka Fabio) had a helpful book in his handy satchel, full of recreations of what these buildings all looked like in their former glory. I know I’ve said it before, but it’s so mind-boggling how old these buildings are! I was taken right back to my year 12 ancient history lessons with Mrs Doyle.
After viewing all the ancient wonders on the hill we descended into the Roman Forum, to what was once the heart of the Eternal City, to walk amongst a veritable treasure trove of ruins; columns and temples aplenty. We were walking on the actual roads built by the ancient Romans while Franck regaled us with tales of Emperors.
Our time with Franck culminated in a fantastic tour of the colossal Colusseum, scaling its steep stairs (because only the frail, pregnant and wheelchair-bound could take the lift. I did try but was knocked back though in my sweaty haze I did seriously contemplate stuffing something up my shirt to feign pregnancy but eventually came to my senses) we perused the arena in all its ancient glory. It was sobering to think of all the blood spilt on that floor and the Gladitorial conquests that had taken place in this immense auditorium.
After a spot of rest and recovery and loads of hydration, we were off on tour no. 2 for the day; a visit to the Pope’s home town, Vatican City. Turning up fashionably late, we were introduced to the fun but formidable Fiorella who was a high school teacher when she wasn’t guiding people around the Vatican and who ran a tight ship indeed. After a quick round of get-to-know-you questions she proceeded to call each of us by the name of our place of residence. We were collectively known as ‘Sydney’ although she had a soft spot for Maisy and Toby, calling them by their correct names. Our fellow tourers were ‘England’, ‘Netherlands’ (also affectionately known as the Barbarians) and ‘Pennsylvania’. Sam and Toby blundered from the outset by chatting and giggling while Fiorella was talking. She gave them a stern talking to and asked if they’d like to share with the group just what was so funny. England also stepped out of line on occasion, earning himself a good dressing down: “Am I boring you England? Are you not interested?” He behaved himself for the rest of the tour, his attentiveness above average from there on in.
Entering Vatican City was like walking into a high security prison. Bags were scanned, IDs checked and armed security guards were on high alert. It’s amazing to think it’s its own little country. We were hoping not to run into Cardinal Pell!
Fiorella showed us through all the treasures that the Vatican Museum had in its wealthy clutches. Rows and rows of marble statues – each, we discovered with an Australian doppelgänger. Their detail and beauty was so intricate and they were meticulously maintained. Toby redeemed himself by identifying some Latin phrases Fiorella threw at the group but his greatest achievement was identifying the bulbous growths on the statue of Artemis of Ephesus. Fiorella posed the question: “So what do you think those round attachments all over her body are?” and various group members had a stab at guessing. Are they eggs? Breasts? Coconuts, mangoes? Maybe they’re melons or lemons? No. No one could pick it. Suddenly Toby piped up: “I think they’re testicles!” The group fell silent and held its collective breath and Fiorella stared at Toby. No one was sure what she’d say.
“That is CORRECT Toby!” She was elated. In all the groups I’ve ever taken through the Vatican, no one has ever guessed that correctly!”
Sam overheard ‘Pennsylvania’ saying no one had ever “had the testicles to make that guess”.
That’s my boy.
The long room with the golden details on the roof was more than impressive! So much detail and work had gone into this elaborate display of splendour. It got me thinking that ceiling decoration has really fallen by the wayside over the last century or so. Who couldn’t use a few frescoes and marble sculptures to adorn those boring white ceilings? So much space and potential. Speaking of ceilings…we also had the privilege of stepping foot inside the world famous Sistine Chapel to see Michaelangelo’s highly prestigious masterpiece. For a sculptor, he sure was an awesome painter. Fiorella pointed out a bloke depicted down in ‘hell’- a snake wrapped around his body – on the bottom right-hand side of the epic artwork. Apparently this guy had given Mike some stick about his choice to paint everyone in their birthday suits so he makes a cheeky, not so flattering cameo. Since the early 1500s, he’s been there, immortalised in paint, for generations and generations to see. No one messed with Michaelangelo and got away with it. Though the painting and frescoes were incredible, I think we all had imagined it to be bigger. Speaking inside was frowned upon and there was a constant hushing of the crowds from the supervisors. The original impetus behind its creation was to bring glory to God. We wondered whether it was still fulfilling its purpose.
After all those artworks and all that pondering, we took a walk past the imposing first century Castle, Castel Sant Angelo, crossed the Tiber and had dinner in the gorgeous Piazza Navona, all lit up with fountains, outdoor seating and a trendy, arty vibe. I was barely conscious after such a big day of touring so I headed home while Ross took Maisy, Toby and Sam for their last Italian gelato, where they could pick from a modest 150 flavours! We are all going to look like an ice cream soon!
